Reminder :

Remember that, not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

At the Book Fair ....

Ever since I learnt to read as a child .. I never stopped..
Books mean too much to me .. it literally makes my day to get a new book ..
So you can imagine what a book fair would mean to someone like me ..

A fancy feast when you’re starving .. a fabulously cozy couch when you’ve been running for hours .. lots of toys to a really lonely child ..

Anyway, back to the fair, it was my first time to visit the one in Cairo ..
I never missed it in Alex though, I used to go with my dad as a child then with a friend as I grew up ..
But to visit Cairo .. Well it takes at least four hours on the road back and forth in the fastest train, and the problem always was who would be willing to put so much time and effort just to buy books ..?
Almost none of my friends likes to read .. So asking them to a book fair in Cairo is a lot similar to a trip to Afghanistan ..

But this year I truly wanted to be there ..
I only had my brother to ask .. Luckily he is practically my twin .. he loves reading too.. so his only protest was that it will take the whole day and he’s very busy ..
But he agreed in the end ..

I was waiting for the issuance of many books, that I knew it would be much easier to find in the fair than wandering all over the libraries in Alexandria ..
But most of all wanted to be at the book signing of Bride’s book and Rehab’s ..
I managed to and that was amazing ..

I was deeply happy for them and it felt great to meet someone you read to in person .. and – of course - to have my copy signed by the author .. I was also very happy that Ghada immediately remembered my name when I introduced myself and wished her luck ..

I bought lots and lots of book that practically broke my back to carry, not mentioning my poor brothers who was so tired that he made me promise I won’t ask him to take me again till at least 2015 ..

Finally we went home with our treasures that I couldn’t wait for our arrival to start exploring .. and I started reading the minuet we steeped foot in the train while he fell a sleep when I was saying “ Thanks and I’m sorry … “

Of the so-called Sensitivity ….

I always thought the word reefers to someone who gets more affected by his\her surroundings than others do ..

I’ve also always known for a fact that this – naturally – causes this person to be usually unhappy ..
Well; speaking from my own corner I know that being a sensitive person caused me to be always at extreme in my emotions ..
Small tiny things can make me crazily happy , but also small things can leave me really hurt and sad ..
So far that’s no news .. many people know that and are like that so what else is new ?

The news came through this book I recently read by one of my favorite authors, he was talking casually - and cynically - about sensitivity, specifically in girls .. and he drew my attention to a totally different angle to consider it ..
He thinks being sensitive means – mostly – that you’re selfish and self centered …!!

As shocked as I was, I cannot deny that his words are partially true ..
If you think about it, you gotta be truly and dedicatedly focused on YOU to suffer the sensitivity symptoms ..
I mean, yeah you’re mainly focused on what makes you sad, what makes you happy, how people just don’t get you, and how sometimes it seems that the whole world is out to get you...

I admit that it’s true .. yes sensitive people get that kind of feelings every now and then .. I always thought it means that a sensitive person simply just feels deeper than the others .. things somehow get beyond your skin ..
I never thought that this could be translated to some sort of egoism in some people’s dictionary ..
Coz, yes surly it involves a lot of You but what happens to others affect you as much ..


Just think of those countless times when tears came to your eyes over a friend’s suffering that you cannot ease ... compassion for others who are less fortunate than you are or the joy that would fill your heart seeing a child who smiles or the comfort you brought someone.

I admit that perhaps this is self-centered, but I don’t think it’s selfish ..

Well, I guess I understand now why this guy I once knew used to complain that I’m “ super sensitive “ … now I know what he really meant to say ......

My Sun ...

I just hate the weather these days ..
it’s always cloudy, windy and terribly cold .. which is really depressing ..
Somehow it feels and smells ... sad, real sad

I remember when I was a child, the winter was usually warm, even in the rainy days .. it was never as freezing as it gets now.

I love the rain though .. I love how the air smells then, I love the little drops washing everything clean ..
Love how the trees look brightly greener afterwards .. love the rainbows ..
And most of all love when the sun comes out again ....

Love the million little colored balls of light that fill my eyes when I look up to watch it ...

These days the sun comes out for just moments , shy as if it was merely checking us up , then it disappears again ..
And in these rare moments .. I actually have to fight to stay put ..
I just wanna drop whatever it is I’m doing and go out .. in the open and enjoy it ..
Let it take all the cold out of my body and heart ... make me worm inside out ..

So .. here is to my good shiny friend “ The Sun “ ...
I open up my curtains everyday to greet you ..
Please come visit more often ..

A New Year ....

It’s only a few days away now …
And this time I’m not counting the days for it, having my usual optimistic rosy glasses on.
Somehow I have the feeling 2008 won’t be anything but another disappointment…

These days this phrase from “ Ann of Green Gables “ is always echoing in my head :
“ My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes …. “

Maybe coz, with every new year’s eve. I used to pray to God at midnight to make it a better one ..
I always expected that in some magical way all my hopes will come to life in the approaching year ..
I would be in a better mood ... I would put more serious effort into my postgraduate studies ........ I would meet my significant other , the real thing .. the Prince not another frog …

The new year always disappointed me .. yet I always waited for the one to come with high hopes …


And maybe coz it’s the first time without Mama … just as I didn’t feel the joy of this Ramadan or the two feasts …
life simply just lost its taste ...
Nothing seems enjoyable anymore.........

Almost seven months now ….
I still can’t say her name without tears …
I’m still unable to add the word “ was ..” when I talk about her ..

2007 took away my comfort , gave me the deepest pain and the greatest sorrow of my whole life ..
I pray for 2008 to have the power to ease it ..... just a little bit.

Years go by ....

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that counts. It's the life in your years....

Don't give up ....

Not always fall of leaf,

nor ever Spring;Not endless night, yet not eternal day;

The saddest birds a season find to sing;

The roughest storm a calm may soon allay.

Thus, with succeeding turns God tempereth all,

That man may hope to rise, yet fear to fall.

- Robert Frost -

Mercy ...

Life never fails to surprise me …

On my way to work today, I had a lot on my mind .. busy days ahead , lots of reports I gotta prepare, couple of meetings I better attend ..

And as our new genius governor decided , the renewed pavements are freakishly high , as if old people and little kids don’t live in Alexandria in his age …
Anyway I was pretty much absent-minded and in high heels and on the next second I tripped and almost fell if it weren’t for that nice old lady who practically ran to hold me in her arms so I don’t fall to the ground.
How kind and caring she was when she did it ,simply got me puzzled …
And then she started to ask me several times if I was sure I’m ok and not hurt , and if I’m not dizzy or anything. And she – so motherly – asked me to stand still for a minuet before I keep on walking to the office to make sure I got breath back to normal.

Just when I started to believe life is so dark, and people are devils in disguise .. an occurrence like that crosses my way and everything changes …..
As little as it was it affected me big time …
A very sincere heartfelt act of kindness from a total stranger …
I guess it’s not entirely hopeless yet if we still have compassion in our hearts for one another ….

“ God mercy his slaves who are merciful “
- Prophet Mohammed PBUH -

Helping ...

" What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? "

- George Eliot -

Failure to launch ...

God !! ...... Life would be so much easier if I had the source code !!